Unwrapping the Flavors of sex work
Think about a candy store with all the flavors right in front of your sparkling eyes. Full of excitement we want to try them all, one for one, candy by candy, desire by desire. Doesn’t that make you question why a large portion of society sees sex work as one flavor? And why is the storefront seen as all the same, owned by a broken family or a history of trauma? Are we failing to distinguish between various forms of business and pleasure? Or does one’s boyfriend or – girlfriend experience fulfill different needs than a dominatrix does? Challenge your mind and think about the candy store metaphor while reading the perspective of somebody who has seen the differences, and even felt them at times. Keep your mind open and fill your pallet of curiosity. Be part of a world that fulfills desires as far as the eye can see, only if you allow it to, professionally and personally.
All the information? Yes! The association? No!
Notice how the media portrays stories from a dramatic angle? Somehow classic media pick stories that have a certain mind-blowing edge to them, unfortunately not the good kind, rather its negative and stigmatizing side. These features often come into play when a special guest, involved in the business of pleasure, is part of the story. It’s often a juicy story that ends badly, giving the industry broadly the same stigmas. ‘’Danger’’, ‘’Addiction’’, ‘’Fraud’’, these are quotations used more often than ‘’Success’’, ‘’Inspiration or ‘’Powerful’’. Wonder why society looks at the industry and what we do as one and the same? Most of the information provides a view of ‘’us’’ as a collective, not as individuals. The ‘’happy hooker’’ stories are often not media worthy, as the stories are somewhat less ‘’sensational’’. But what if we hear about the different success stories? one where somebody could explore themselves and other people’s minds, truly helping them feel loved? Would we still see it as all the same? Wouldn’t we look at it differently if we heard about the different lives we live, from being an exotic dancer to a digital performer? The right information could lead to a refreshing vision of what happens in the world of pleasure and business. Open your mind and see the pure side of the broadly flavored industry, not just the ‘’dirty’’ one.
Fulfill my needs, please
We all have different needs, physically and spiritually. Whether you follow the principle of Maslov or somewhat more of a spiritual guide; there are differences in all our needs. Being a companion and traveling with somebody has its own unique needs to be fulfilled, and they can be different each time, for each gentleman. One might have the need to build up sexual tension by daring stares in public all day, while somebody else wants to talk about the meaning of life, or sometimes just simply be together in a space of stimulation. From music events to museums and nature. All needs are unique, not only for different types of sex work, but for each and every individual escort that would provide the same service on paper. Needs and desires are based on a feeling, not a box and set of services.
Dipping my toes in the world of domination
Down the fluorescent city lights of Ginza Tokyo there was a bar, and not just any bar, it was Blackhearts. Blackhearts is a host bar specialized in all flavors pain and pleasure, a so-called fetish-themed host bar. My eyes were opened, my mind awakened by the sounds of the chains and the smell of the leather whips. Did I get to see another realm of sex work? Yes, I did! But I also saw similarities, especially in creating that mental liberation. Perhaps one is more for warmth and the other about letting go of control, but in both worlds, spaces are created where being present and drawn into the moment are hallmarks.
Sitting down with one of the host girls and talking about sadomasochism broadened my horizon, from what a consultation with a client looks like to actually feeling some tools by hand. The most exciting part? The part where my host demonstrated a whip on my butt. The whip felt liberating after the anticipation of the power she’d use on me, the force left me with a sting, slowly releasing the adrenaline of my body.
This leads us to the question; does a dominatrix fulfill the same needs as an escort? I’ll go over a few scenarios to give a clear image, from taking off somebody’s clothes, to the headspace you put somebody in.
Picture this: the rush and adrenaline of taking off each other’s clothes in excitement versus a controlled space of a mind that has been taken over by a powerful dom. Both releasing a rush, both with different techniques. Where I kiss a body, somebody else might whip it, and do both actions stay in somebody’s mind? Yes, but they are different memories; one could be freed from their daily obligations while one needed to be held through warmth. See? It’s different in flow and action, with some overlapping similarities based on a feeling. There is a w(hip)orld of differences between the two.
Curiosity kills the cat
Can we make a change to the narrow view of flavors? The nature of the outcome depends on somebody’s curiosity, and with the right curiosity and non-judgemental spirit one can see somebody for who they are, and not for what they do. Can they also make a distinction between a dominatrix and a travel companion? Yes, because the conversation is opened, on the surface we can go deeper, with no shame or judgement; doesn’t that result in a better understanding? It’s not only beneficial for seeing someone for who they are, but also that we are all different. There is a saying that curiosity kills the cat, but doesn’t it also broaden the cat’s horizon from another perspective? What is a cat without its curiosity? They’ll be scared of the outside world, perceiving all the threats as one, because they haven’t lived through all the colors of life outside. How can we be more curious? It starts with following your (healthy) impulses, that feeling of wondering how the person in front of you is doing, or why they say what they say or wear what they wear. You follow that sensation by holding onto it, and eventually by confronting it; ask the person respectfully why, or take a different route towards your apartment, maybe even go to a different club or enter a door for its sound or aesthetic. You’ll be surprised what these spaces will do to you, and how they will shape you. It’ll create a new understanding of the unknown, and it might even show you that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, revealing different perspectives on one’s life. And what’s the worst that can truly happen? The obstacle is the way, as Ryan Holiday (author) would say. Are we going to be curious together, or will you live in a world of judgement, where all the experiences feel like a routine or path that has been walked before?
