The complexity of love
My forehead rested lightly against the airplane window, watching the clouds roll by beneath me. Butterflies were stirring in my stomach as I thought to myself, “I’m excited to fall in love again.” There’s a strange warmth that comes with that thought, like the feeling of sunlight peeking through the clouds. Somewhere at 824 km/h, aboard the A350, I was floating above Bucharest, halfway through my journey back to London. The 15-hour flight from Asia to Europe gave me time to think about life, about romance, and yes, about love.
It sounds cheesy, doesn’t it? But love has this way of drawing you in, no matter how hard you try to resist it. For me, it’s not just about the past or the future; it’s the here and now. And maybe you’ve wondered too; how does someone like me, a high-class escort, balance love? How do I balance clients who fall for me? This is my take on the complexity of love, through my own eyes.
The Bubble of Pleasure
One of the questions I get asked a lot, is somewhat along the lines of ‘’But is it worth giving up love in your private life?’’, assuming it’s impossible to indulge in the pleasures of ‘’real’’ love. But are these one and the same? Or are there two separate worlds? The answer isn’t as black and white as you might think, because we talk about human experiences and emotions. Yes, one is a service, and the other is ‘’private’’, a difference of day and night, weekday and weekend. Yet you spend time together in a bubble of pleasure, a dream world for some. You experience the crème de la creme, and the sky is the limit. But true love is based on a feeling, not an experience. It can feel very real, and lines can get blurred. This goes for both sides, for clients as well as the ones they hire to be their boyfriend. Navigating these moments can be slippery ice as you don’t want to break out of that bubble. We are in the ideal circumstance, but outside of this bubble we have a routine, one that might be less glamorous than the one we created. Personally, I’ve learned a lot about my capacity of loving and caring for others, also in the ‘’service’’ context. You spend time together, and you can’t help but start caring about someone who has their heart in the right place.
Boundaries and Balance
Communication is key, it’s knowing that the bubble is only possible for a set amount of time, but what if there are mightier feelings involved? Ones that want to break free from that bubble? Boundaries protect both the magic you create and the person you are outside of it. With the right boundaries there will be the understanding that two individuals choose to spend time under an agreement, and during that agreement they’ll be present while making lasting memories. I remember one of my clients referring to it as a ‘’brain massage’’ or even therapy for the soul. It’s a time for love and laughter, these are the best aspects of love, without external factors disturbing it. Can the magic happen outside of this agreement? Of course, but only if all parties agree to it, and this is something that only you can decide. It’s been a great pleasure for me to savor all the moments I’ve had with a client, but I’m also glad if we get to go back to our own bubble; this allows me to see them in a fresh light with new stories to share afterward.
Two Worlds, One Heart
But what happens when you have someone waiting for you at home, on the other side of the bubble, and sometimes the world? The schedule, emotions & lifestyle can be difficult to manage when you have a partner. Is it possible to balance these two worlds? Starting this blog, I wrote an article about my first time pleasuring a woman, while her husband was watching. In that article I talked about my boyfriend at the time, so yes; I was in love while being an escort. We had a monogamous relationship and agreed to this lifestyle, at least for that moment in time. We both saw our business in the world of pleasure as a service, but can we truly make a differentiation when we feel otherwise emotionally? Rationally we knew what we agreed on, as this was also an agreement on the way we would live our life together. The emotions got the best of us, and understandably it wasn’t sustainable. The good thing is that we both learned from the experience, and he’ll always have a place in my heart. This doesn’t mean that it was impossible, it means that we didn’t see eye to eye emotionally.
Love has evolved a long way since; I made my own evolution in my capacities of loving and navigating the spectrum of emotions. Yet I still have a lot to learn, which is only possible by making space for romantic relationships, and I don’t mind diving ‘’deep’’ into an adventure, or person for that matter. Four words have become essential for me when it comes to love: time, energy, effort & understanding. You’d have to be able to let someone go in order for them to thrive, it’ll sustain when it’s meant to be; love shouldn’t be forced or kept in a cage. You can run wild, while holding your partner’s hand throughout this journey.
Love in All Its Forms
To end this cheesy article; yes, you can balance love while being an escort, you just must be willing to put in the work. It’s about understanding, and not letting fear or emotions get in the way of the person you love. Ultimately, love is worth taking a risk for, whether it started off in high school, as a client & escort dynamic, or impossible love from different backgrounds. Let’s share love where we can, in any shape or form, to your clients, your family, your friend, your lover, and mostly to yourself.
